godshattering | abraxas inbox + horizon contact

Honestly? I'm so tired of being afraid of it.

[ His lips quirk faintly, a rueful hint of a smile as he closes his eyes and leans into the warm touch of Claude's hands on his skin. He exhales, soft and shaky, even if something in him is already relaxing at Claude's reaction. One more hint that there'd still been far too much fear lingering despite what he thought he knew. ]

It feels silly. After everything, that it should still be so frightening. But my brain is still trying to figure out if any of it was real. If maybe I just made up the whole thing up out of wishful thinking.

[ he doesn't even try to disguise the fact that what they'd found, what they'd had, had been everything he could have - would have - wished for. ]

If you mean what we just went through, I think that we remember the same things probably takes away from it being something you imagined.

[ Probably. As he's saying it, it does occur to Claude he hadn't actually confirmed with Sylvain beyond the few general things they've spoken of and there could be other things that don't match up. Like an even worse version of the timeline disaster they're already familiar with from Fodlan - and this would be worse, he thinks, than even all of that.

But they're here, dealing with something neither of them could have predicted like everything else that's come their way. What had come before it, those truths he'd known for himself - those never once wavered within that future or this one. Claude takes a moment to study Sylvain's face purely for the familiarity of it rather than choosing words carefully. A relief to no longer do that, he realizes. ]

Maybe it wasn't time we've lived like the rest of it, but it was still real. What I felt for you then - what I feel for you never wavered. If anything, I'd say it's only stronger.

Yeah, well, wrapping my head around some of what I became and what I could do there, when it all felt so... normal? in the moment? It's still a little bit much here on the other side of it.

[ He confesses this with a hint of a sheepish smile. Although he suspects Claude will know what he means. Even if Claude's opinion of who and what he'd been in that strange time hadn't been the same as Sylvain's.

His thumbs brush against the back of Claude's hands as he bumps their foreheads together, unwilling to pull away. ]

But this part of it? Yeah, it felt real. It felt perfect. Maybe that's why I keep questioning myself. [ he had a hard time believing in anything that seemed to perfect. ]

[ Claude hums in partial agreement to - some of it, most of it, nothing he wants to particularly pin down right then. Being dragged to the Singularity, living entire other lives, and now finding themselves back in Cadens at home like nothing shifted would be a lot on any day. Adding this into it certainly doesn't lessen the complication of everything.

Now that the words are said, now that the sentiment no longer has to be contained for fear of fully frightening Sylvain away, the love he feels for Sylvain feels as immutable as it had when it'd been something only whispered through his mind. Claude closes his eyes for a moment when Sylvain leans his forehead to his own and focuses on that and the hands over his own as the same calm and steadying presence as always. As grounding as ever as he opens his eyes again. ]

And if I told you there's nothing left to question on this?

[ On this, on them - of course it won't actually be that simple. They're too much alike to not stop turning something over and over no matter what they're told. Even if that future left him all the more certain of what he should have done and said long before now, there's still room for more. Perhaps making that much clearer will make room for the rest. ]

Then I'd have to say you're being particularly uncreative at the moment in thinking up at least a dozen new things we're both probably going to obsess over and question in the near future.

[ His voice holds a note of wry humor as he chuckles, staying pressed close. Soaking up the contact.

And despite his words? That simple statement of fact is more reassuring that Claude might realize. Even if neither of them will ever stop questioning something important to them while they still draw breath. ]

You know what I mean.

[ Sylvain can see him do the actual fond eyeroll with how they're standing pressing together, but Claude doubles down on it by placing it into his voice anyway. There's no denying the truth in what's said since they will still find too much to wonder about - Claude will find any number of things to puzzle over as much as he'd done at the seemingly sudden appearance of the earring.

Something which feels almost silly now in retrospect for how opaque it'd seemed when it should've been only transparent, he's come to realize. But they'll find other small ways to both offer and find reassurance, he's certain as he tips his head up to kiss Sylvain. Slowly and without rush, as if to seal what's both been said and unsaid in it. Another type of promises beyond the ones made in the past and now the present, and for what'll come in the future no matter which path that takes them down. ]

abraxas inbox + horizon contact

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject